New Year, new....

 I opened a can of worms after 30 years. I thought I was makaukau yet there is no regret just heaviness and confusion that fills my breathe every day. The history, grudges, and spells come with my extraordinary 'ohana. I do not know how to even begin this healing process. It's over my head. It feels like I am holding  a 85# overhead squat, my shoulders quivering to hold the weight and asking every supporting muscle to hold on and not give out. I think this is a dangerous way of living - wondering when the ball will drop because it eventually will if things are not settled. Who would have thunk that this has been the outcome of my trip to Asia. Now the door is open and here I am unsettled and wondering where the next shoe will fall. I need to find some peace in the next few something. lol