"A rose, by any other name..."

 Leimomi means a pearl lei. Deeper meaning is that it is one of a kind, special. BUT aren't we all one of a kind in some form or shape. What this brings up for me is my kumu. A kumu that's multi-faceted. Great for him. What experiences comes up for me when I think of my kumu is one of 'lacking' and not being enough. Not chosen for anything, time and time again. My brain by default wanders off to weightlifting where coaches coach stronger athletes and not all athletes. I wasn't one of the naturally strong athlete hence I had to ask for coaching every day. Rejection. Being not good or strong enough. All this lends to a question of why I kept doing it. I have since removed myself from weightlifting and more recently halau even though I enjoy both immensely. It bought me joy to no extent. The feeling of seen and felt improvement I experienced was ethereal. As I navigate through a brand new feeling of non-halau life for one official week, I also have realized that I was holding back on the wu, what makes me me. A new yorker by heart and definitely chinese, my heritage. I revel in that. I am proud of where I come from. I can finally be me; an unknown release that had been hidden for years because of a need to fit in. No more! My therapist made me realize that being wu is being alive and that is the reason I feel good about it.

A part of me wants to blend in and not be noticed. But is that who I am? I have always been noticed. I have always been good and the best of what I do. Halau and WL have proven that otherwise. Not valued and not seen. What a cruel world. When you have that kind of experience, one can be a victim or react in another way. I definitely deselected to be treated in such a way. I forget that this treatment speaks more of them than me. All I can do is be me. That is enough.